Wow.. it has been a long time since I have written here.. I'll sum things up.
Jake and Annabelle were born via c-section June 11, 2008. Annabelle was first at 2:20 pm weighing in at 5 lbs 14 oz and 18.5 inches long.
Jake was born at 2:21 pm, weighing in at 8 lbs 1.8 oz, and 19 inches long.
Jake had to stay in the NICU for 5 days due to trouble breathing and fluid in his lungs. Annabelle was in for 3 days due to fluid in her lungs, then released to the newborn nursery. SHe was then taken and had to be put under billi lights to reduce her billirubin count. We all came home after 5 long days in the hospital.
I was able to stay home for 9.5 weeks with the babies. After that, Doris came and watched them for 3 weeks while we were back at work.
Today was the first day that Hope watched the babies. Hope is our neighbor three doors down. She is now 6 weeks pregnant and hopefully will be able to watch the babies throughout her pregnancy. I am very nervous and really wish Mom could watch them permanently, but need to give this a few days to settle in.
Thank God Dan and I are both home for two days a week. Tomorrow will be a long day for Hope and the babies. Let's see.
I wanted to open this back up as a sort of diary... let's see if I can keep up with it.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Dont you wish you were hot like me?
33 week belly shot sporting the I love Mike Rowe shirt the girls got me for Mother's Day..
So, I am really feeling as if Dan is completely turned off by me.. I mean, why would he not be? We got the Wii Fit last night and I set up my profile, and I think he saw that my listed BMI was 43... um, but the stupid game ddid not know I am pregnant..
I really feel as though we are drifting apart.. I feel as if we dont spend any time together.. I am always sleeping or just laying around at this point.
I hate this feeling, as it makes me doubt our relationship and I know he would think that is silly.
Seriosuly, how do I expect him to be attracted to me when i am up 50 lbs from before I got pregnant and up more than that frmo when we met? My uterus is measuring 46 weeks, I am HUGE, my face is swollen, my nose is bulbous, my hair is never done, my face is broken out, and I had him pop a big zit on my neck.
HOT!
I just hope that I can lose this weight and not look so gross after the babies are born. I hate not feeling as if he is attracted to me. The fact that we can not have sex does not help things any.
I'm miserably uncomfortable being this big pregnant and my self-esteem is shot at this point.
So, I am really feeling as if Dan is completely turned off by me.. I mean, why would he not be? We got the Wii Fit last night and I set up my profile, and I think he saw that my listed BMI was 43... um, but the stupid game ddid not know I am pregnant..
I really feel as though we are drifting apart.. I feel as if we dont spend any time together.. I am always sleeping or just laying around at this point.
I hate this feeling, as it makes me doubt our relationship and I know he would think that is silly.
Seriosuly, how do I expect him to be attracted to me when i am up 50 lbs from before I got pregnant and up more than that frmo when we met? My uterus is measuring 46 weeks, I am HUGE, my face is swollen, my nose is bulbous, my hair is never done, my face is broken out, and I had him pop a big zit on my neck.
HOT!
I just hope that I can lose this weight and not look so gross after the babies are born. I hate not feeling as if he is attracted to me. The fact that we can not have sex does not help things any.
I'm miserably uncomfortable being this big pregnant and my self-esteem is shot at this point.
Friday, May 16, 2008
33 weeks and some drama...
Went for another growth ultrasound yesterday.. 32 weeks 6 days. We were honestly a little afraid of what Jake would measure, since he has been so big, and we were very surprised. His measurements put him with an EDD of June 3, as opposed to July 5... his approximate weight was 6lbs 15 oz. That is almost 7 pounds....he is the size of an average 38 week baby, at not quite 33 weeks.
Annabelle is growing steadily and measured with an EDD of July 7. Her approximate weight was 4 lbs 6 oz. She is growing right on track for a 33 week baby.
Needless to say, the dr was VERY concerned and had me scared out of my wits. She is so concerned that his size will not allow the placenta to keep up with his needs. She has changed my schedule from 2 times weekly to 3 times.. 2 NSTs, one exam and 3 sonos.
She will do an amnio on Jake at 36 weeks, June 9, to see if his lungs are mature enough to deliver, and if so, they will be delivered via c-section June 10.
I am so worried about them coming that early, as I hate the thought of them having to stay in the NICU, but what can I do? Thank God my body is not showing any signs of pre-term labor, no dialation, etc. I want healthy babies to be delivered... she is worried that with his size he will be pretty sick, as bigger male white babies struggle if they are born premature, more than girls.
For now, both babies look great, and they move all the time.
I am miserably uncomfortable with almost 12 pounds of baby in me, hard to get comfortable to sleep and hard to get comfortable even to sit, but I will do whatever is best for these babies.
Annabelle is growing steadily and measured with an EDD of July 7. Her approximate weight was 4 lbs 6 oz. She is growing right on track for a 33 week baby.
Needless to say, the dr was VERY concerned and had me scared out of my wits. She is so concerned that his size will not allow the placenta to keep up with his needs. She has changed my schedule from 2 times weekly to 3 times.. 2 NSTs, one exam and 3 sonos.
She will do an amnio on Jake at 36 weeks, June 9, to see if his lungs are mature enough to deliver, and if so, they will be delivered via c-section June 10.
I am so worried about them coming that early, as I hate the thought of them having to stay in the NICU, but what can I do? Thank God my body is not showing any signs of pre-term labor, no dialation, etc. I want healthy babies to be delivered... she is worried that with his size he will be pretty sick, as bigger male white babies struggle if they are born premature, more than girls.
For now, both babies look great, and they move all the time.
I am miserably uncomfortable with almost 12 pounds of baby in me, hard to get comfortable to sleep and hard to get comfortable even to sit, but I will do whatever is best for these babies.
Friday, May 2, 2008
31 weeks!!!
31 weeks today. I am so excited, but also so ready to start feeling normal again. I have been getting more and more uncomfortable. I find it hard to move, hard to walk... hard to sleep.. hard to get out of bed.. I am starting to walk just like my mom... just hard to move!!!
We had our NSTs Monday and Thursday. it is getting really hard to walk the hospital halls. But the babies did well on both NST (although they wont be still for them!) I have been averaging 45 minutes to an hour hooked up, and that is miserable to lay there with the probes strapped tight for that long.
The sonograms are interesting. They have been checking their fluid and muscle tone. They also check their heartbeats and make sure they look ok in general.
So far, so good.. I am guessing they will be here between 35-36 weeks.. I have the feeling one day I will go in and the dr will say that's it.. and deliver them.
As much as I want to feel better, I also want healthy babies. I really dont want the babies to have to stay in the NICU... I want to be able to bring them home.
Im gonna keep plugging along.
In other news.. the girls only have 4 weeks of school left. I am ready for them to be home with me. I like when they come home from school now that I am working from home. Although sometimes they drive me crazy, I like being able to see them before 6:15 or 6:30.
And although I can not do much with them right now physically, I am hoping they will be able to help me out getting the babies' and Allison's rooms ready when construction is done.
Speaking of construction, the framing for the walls is up today. It is neat to be able to see where the rooms will be. I am starting to get excited!
We had our NSTs Monday and Thursday. it is getting really hard to walk the hospital halls. But the babies did well on both NST (although they wont be still for them!) I have been averaging 45 minutes to an hour hooked up, and that is miserable to lay there with the probes strapped tight for that long.
The sonograms are interesting. They have been checking their fluid and muscle tone. They also check their heartbeats and make sure they look ok in general.
So far, so good.. I am guessing they will be here between 35-36 weeks.. I have the feeling one day I will go in and the dr will say that's it.. and deliver them.
As much as I want to feel better, I also want healthy babies. I really dont want the babies to have to stay in the NICU... I want to be able to bring them home.
Im gonna keep plugging along.
In other news.. the girls only have 4 weeks of school left. I am ready for them to be home with me. I like when they come home from school now that I am working from home. Although sometimes they drive me crazy, I like being able to see them before 6:15 or 6:30.
And although I can not do much with them right now physically, I am hoping they will be able to help me out getting the babies' and Allison's rooms ready when construction is done.
Speaking of construction, the framing for the walls is up today. It is neat to be able to see where the rooms will be. I am starting to get excited!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Been a while
Wow.. it's been a while since I made time to post here...
Things have started getting semi-hectic as the babies' arrival draws ever so closer...
I am 29 weeks and 3 days today, max of 8 weeks left. No sign of the babies coming so far, so that is good, the dr says everything looks good except for the fact that Jake was measuring 1 pounds ahead of Annabelle at the last growth sonogram. We have another one in three days, so we will see how they are doing now.
The dr started me on twice weekly non-stress tests to make sure they are both doing ok.
No cervix changes or contractions, so that is wonderful!
On the homefront, no construction started as of yet. We are STILL waiting on the permit to come through so everyone can start on the basement. I am starting to get REALLY frustrated with the fact that nothing seems to be moving along, and I am freaking that we wont have a place for the babies!
but what can I do?
I'll post more as things progress.
Things have started getting semi-hectic as the babies' arrival draws ever so closer...
I am 29 weeks and 3 days today, max of 8 weeks left. No sign of the babies coming so far, so that is good, the dr says everything looks good except for the fact that Jake was measuring 1 pounds ahead of Annabelle at the last growth sonogram. We have another one in three days, so we will see how they are doing now.
The dr started me on twice weekly non-stress tests to make sure they are both doing ok.
No cervix changes or contractions, so that is wonderful!
On the homefront, no construction started as of yet. We are STILL waiting on the permit to come through so everyone can start on the basement. I am starting to get REALLY frustrated with the fact that nothing seems to be moving along, and I am freaking that we wont have a place for the babies!
but what can I do?
I'll post more as things progress.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Big Monster Baby!
We had our 26.5 week appointment yesterday. This included a growth scan for the babies.
Annabelle weighed app. 2 lbs 3 oz. Right on schedule, in fact she is measuring with a due date of 7/3/08, instead of 7/5/08... two days early! We got a great 3D pic of her, and we could clearly see her eyes and nose... she seems to have my big bulbous nose, it is rather wide. She is so adorable, though. I cant wait to hold her!
Annabelle weighed app. 2 lbs 3 oz. Right on schedule, in fact she is measuring with a due date of 7/3/08, instead of 7/5/08... two days early! We got a great 3D pic of her, and we could clearly see her eyes and nose... she seems to have my big bulbous nose, it is rather wide. She is so adorable, though. I cant wait to hold her!
Jake weighed app. 3lbs 3 oz. At first, the size difference seemed to really concern the ultrasound technician, who steadily went about measuring both babies' hearts, cords, blood flow, etc, focusing mainly on Annabelle. We were scared, to say the least when she said this was unusual, the size difference. Then she stated that she does not interpret the ultrasounds, the dr does and she can not tell us what this might mean... HOLY CRAP!
So, after running back downstairs, almost yacking in the hall (I had my gestational diabetes test), to get my blood drawn, we had my exam and met with the dr.
First things, my cervix looks great (YEAH!)... and I only gained 3 lbs this time. That puts me at 41 total.... (like that makes me feel better!)
The dr was very concerned with the fact that Jake is so much bigger. She diagnosed twin discordance, but said when that happens, typically one baby is much smaller than the norm, not much bigger. We asked if this might be an indicator or some chromosonal abnormality, ie Downs, etc., and she said no... babies that are smaller than normal tend to be more at risk. Perhaps he is genetically inclined to be a big boy (HELLO! look at his mom and dad). But she is concerned that his placenta will not be able to keep up with his growth.
So, starting next week, I am to be seen twice a week. I will have a fetal stress test one day and an ultrasound biophysical for the babies the other day. This will be somewhat of an inconvience when I start working from home, but I must do what I must do for the babies.
She thinks everything will be ok, but wants to keep a close eye on the babies, for which I am grateful.
We were scared for a bit, and I still have moments of OMG, but I trust the dr and trust God that everything will be ok.
Also, I am trying to stop freaking out about money and who will take care of the babies... I know God has a plan and I really need to start trusting that. I really need to do that for my sanity.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
OMG... so sad
So, in my neverending quest to read ever IF blog out there, I can across one of what seems like a very nice couple who went through IVF and eventually got pregnant with twins. She was only about 2 weeks behind me, and at 23 weeks, 3 days, lost both babies... she had to deliver them and they both died.
I can not imagine how sad she must be, and how hopeless they must feel. They were having furniture delivered this weekend and had painted the babies' room and everything. I am so sad for her.
I can not imagine now.. at 25 weeks, 4 days, not feeling these babies moving. I just can not imagine coming this far and losing them.
Speaking of 25 weeks, 4 days, we are up by 38 lbs (as of last week) and seem to be hungry alot! I keep saying the babies must be growing, but I think it is just my excuse to eat! I have been eating really badly lately... wish I could control it.
The girls are starting to get really excited... and things are changing.. we got new living room furniture this week, and D is still suffering from moving it in! I felt completely helpless as I stood by and let him and the neighbors haul the huge couch in.. I used to be able to help!
We have one crib put together, and just got an offer of another crib yesterday, so that makes me happy! We dont have to buy another crib.
My friend Jenn has been spilling the beans about the shower on April 10 for a couple of weeks, but she did not know I knew when the actual shower was... um, hello.. D tells me pretty much everything! I just don't know the time now.
I am hooked on focus groups. In fact, I am leaving work early today to join in one and make a cool $100. That will buy the toilet for the new bathroom that (hopefully) better be done by the time the babies are here.
I am beginning to freak about money and construction. We have been talking about putting a room and bathroom in teh basement since we found out we were pregnant, and we are now 12 weekends MAX away from having babies and still no construction.
We did find out that we will have to outsource the construction to make code and get the appropriate permits, and have gotten several quotes from a contractor, so hopefully we will be able to start construction soon after I start working from home.
Oh, and YEAH.. only 2.5 more weeks until I start working from home. This has the potential of making me go stir crazy with noone to talk to, but my body will be grateful!
By the end of the day and workweek, my body is just exhausted!
The babies are moving alot more now... especially Jake. Last night when I was trying to get to sleep, little Annabelle decided to show her strength and kicked and rolled for a while. I had to put D's hand on my belly and announce it was finally HER!
We go back to the dr next week, Allison's birthday, for the next growth scan. I cant wait to see how big they have gotten!
And wow... I cant believe Allison will be 11 next week. We had her take some invitations to school today, she was allowed to invite 5 friends, and we will take them bowling, then home for cake and ice cream. I just can't believe how big she is getting.
I can not imagine how sad she must be, and how hopeless they must feel. They were having furniture delivered this weekend and had painted the babies' room and everything. I am so sad for her.
I can not imagine now.. at 25 weeks, 4 days, not feeling these babies moving. I just can not imagine coming this far and losing them.
Speaking of 25 weeks, 4 days, we are up by 38 lbs (as of last week) and seem to be hungry alot! I keep saying the babies must be growing, but I think it is just my excuse to eat! I have been eating really badly lately... wish I could control it.
The girls are starting to get really excited... and things are changing.. we got new living room furniture this week, and D is still suffering from moving it in! I felt completely helpless as I stood by and let him and the neighbors haul the huge couch in.. I used to be able to help!
We have one crib put together, and just got an offer of another crib yesterday, so that makes me happy! We dont have to buy another crib.
My friend Jenn has been spilling the beans about the shower on April 10 for a couple of weeks, but she did not know I knew when the actual shower was... um, hello.. D tells me pretty much everything! I just don't know the time now.
I am hooked on focus groups. In fact, I am leaving work early today to join in one and make a cool $100. That will buy the toilet for the new bathroom that (hopefully) better be done by the time the babies are here.
I am beginning to freak about money and construction. We have been talking about putting a room and bathroom in teh basement since we found out we were pregnant, and we are now 12 weekends MAX away from having babies and still no construction.
We did find out that we will have to outsource the construction to make code and get the appropriate permits, and have gotten several quotes from a contractor, so hopefully we will be able to start construction soon after I start working from home.
Oh, and YEAH.. only 2.5 more weeks until I start working from home. This has the potential of making me go stir crazy with noone to talk to, but my body will be grateful!
By the end of the day and workweek, my body is just exhausted!
The babies are moving alot more now... especially Jake. Last night when I was trying to get to sleep, little Annabelle decided to show her strength and kicked and rolled for a while. I had to put D's hand on my belly and announce it was finally HER!
We go back to the dr next week, Allison's birthday, for the next growth scan. I cant wait to see how big they have gotten!
And wow... I cant believe Allison will be 11 next week. We had her take some invitations to school today, she was allowed to invite 5 friends, and we will take them bowling, then home for cake and ice cream. I just can't believe how big she is getting.
Friday, March 21, 2008
We are past 24 weeks!!!
Actually, we are 25 weeks today.
To say I am grateful is an understatement. I know I seem to always be grumpy or griping, but I am so grateful for these babies.
We went to the dr Tuesday (24.5 weeks).... everything looks great, cervix is closed, the babies look good (although we only saw them for a few minutes) and my weight is not toooo terribly bad.
The good news is today marks 3 more weeks until I can start working from home.
I am really going to miss the interaction, but will love not having to drag myself to the car for the hour plus commute. The babies seem to be getting big, and love to listen to music (Frank Sinatra and Harry Connick Jr seem to be their faves right now).
Today they seem to be sleeping alot, which worried me at first, but I am assured by others they are probably just having a lazy day.
We went to Kelsey's concert Tuesday night and I was amazed at how great her band sounded. I will add pics later.
The girls are really growing up. Allison will be 11 in 2 weeks... holy cow that makes me feel old.
We got Allison's bed taken down last weekend and got one of the cribs up. The girls flipped a coin to see which crib set we would put on and Annabelle's won! So we now have her crib all set up.
This weekend is Easter. I understand the importance of this holiday and wish we were more actively involved in a church. I wish we could find one that we all liked.
Sometimes I think how badly I want to bring the babies up in a good church, but with my past experience and Dan not knowing the Baptist religion, I wonder how we will work that.
I know that we will show the babies God's love.
I am really grateful.
They will be here before we know it. I cant wait to hold them!
To say I am grateful is an understatement. I know I seem to always be grumpy or griping, but I am so grateful for these babies.
We went to the dr Tuesday (24.5 weeks).... everything looks great, cervix is closed, the babies look good (although we only saw them for a few minutes) and my weight is not toooo terribly bad.
The good news is today marks 3 more weeks until I can start working from home.
I am really going to miss the interaction, but will love not having to drag myself to the car for the hour plus commute. The babies seem to be getting big, and love to listen to music (Frank Sinatra and Harry Connick Jr seem to be their faves right now).
Today they seem to be sleeping alot, which worried me at first, but I am assured by others they are probably just having a lazy day.
We went to Kelsey's concert Tuesday night and I was amazed at how great her band sounded. I will add pics later.
The girls are really growing up. Allison will be 11 in 2 weeks... holy cow that makes me feel old.
We got Allison's bed taken down last weekend and got one of the cribs up. The girls flipped a coin to see which crib set we would put on and Annabelle's won! So we now have her crib all set up.
This weekend is Easter. I understand the importance of this holiday and wish we were more actively involved in a church. I wish we could find one that we all liked.
Sometimes I think how badly I want to bring the babies up in a good church, but with my past experience and Dan not knowing the Baptist religion, I wonder how we will work that.
I know that we will show the babies God's love.
I am really grateful.
They will be here before we know it. I cant wait to hold them!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
GRRRR
long time no post... but things are hectic and I am feeling like a big whale! Almost 24 weeks, I cant believe it.
The babies are getting big, at last drs appointment two weeks ago, Jake was 1 lb 7 oz and Annabelle was 1 lb 4 oz. He is still measuring big, but that is what we want.
In the meantime, while they are cooking, I am feeling miserable. I am finding it hard to walk more than 5 minutes without losing my breath and my feet swelling like sausages. My fingers are swollen, my face is really really puffy and my nose is bulbous.
I can not get into a comfortable position no matter what I do. And I think I am getting carpal tunnel.
Also, NO work has been done on the room or bathroom downstairs and I am freaking out! I am so aggravated because this has not been started and I feel the need to get things set up. I feel completely unprepared. And I dont think that anyone understands.
I am in serious panic mode, as I have no clue how we will afford daycare. I really dont know what we are gonna do. I also dont want to leave my babies all day.
I am really grumpy!
The babies are getting big, at last drs appointment two weeks ago, Jake was 1 lb 7 oz and Annabelle was 1 lb 4 oz. He is still measuring big, but that is what we want.
In the meantime, while they are cooking, I am feeling miserable. I am finding it hard to walk more than 5 minutes without losing my breath and my feet swelling like sausages. My fingers are swollen, my face is really really puffy and my nose is bulbous.
I can not get into a comfortable position no matter what I do. And I think I am getting carpal tunnel.
Also, NO work has been done on the room or bathroom downstairs and I am freaking out! I am so aggravated because this has not been started and I feel the need to get things set up. I feel completely unprepared. And I dont think that anyone understands.
I am in serious panic mode, as I have no clue how we will afford daycare. I really dont know what we are gonna do. I also dont want to leave my babies all day.
I am really grumpy!
Monday, February 25, 2008
braxton hicks
I've been having braxton-hicks contractions more and more, starting this past Wednesday. They come and go and are at their worst when I am doing too much, i.e. standing on my feet alot, etc... this week has been harder than most... I have been tired, and swollen. my socks leave marks on my ankles.
I have the feeling that my boss is a bit more distant that before.. since I told her about working from home... they could always so no....
the babies are so active now.. they move ALOT.. the heartburn has been a killer, mainly the reflux, but I dont know what else to do about it.
D goes out of town for 2.5 days tomorrow... ewwww, that means I have to do everything!!! Im gonna be so tired!
I have the feeling that my boss is a bit more distant that before.. since I told her about working from home... they could always so no....
the babies are so active now.. they move ALOT.. the heartburn has been a killer, mainly the reflux, but I dont know what else to do about it.
D goes out of town for 2.5 days tomorrow... ewwww, that means I have to do everything!!! Im gonna be so tired!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Struggling
So, Im struggling… a lot, with my weight and appearance.. I just saw pics of myself and I look like the Goodyear blimp. I feel so ugly. I kinda want to cry.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I did it
I talked to my boss this morning and told her about the doctor's request of working at home at 28 weeks. She seemed to take it ok... she made notes and I probably sounded like an idiot, at one point I started to well up... but I explained everything to her... it seems like it might be dooable. She will let me know when she figures something out.
I was scared talking to her, but I also was sick to my stomach all morning, so I called D and asked him if I should just go ahead and talk to her... get it out of the way...
I have an appointment with Dr Kouzami tomorrow am... Dr weitz is out of the office... I am worried about his take on my weight gain, but should get to see the boy tomorrow.
I have really been sturggling with bad heartburn and/or acid reflux... esp at night. D had a good idea to walk for 10-15 minutes after dinner... maybe that will help. I am starting to feel very pregnant and heavy... sometimes it is a bit overwhelming. I am not sure how we are going to afford these babies...
I was scared talking to her, but I also was sick to my stomach all morning, so I called D and asked him if I should just go ahead and talk to her... get it out of the way...
I have an appointment with Dr Kouzami tomorrow am... Dr weitz is out of the office... I am worried about his take on my weight gain, but should get to see the boy tomorrow.
I have really been sturggling with bad heartburn and/or acid reflux... esp at night. D had a good idea to walk for 10-15 minutes after dinner... maybe that will help. I am starting to feel very pregnant and heavy... sometimes it is a bit overwhelming. I am not sure how we are going to afford these babies...
Friday, February 15, 2008
Grumpy day
So it has been a grumpy day for me.
First, today is 20 weeks (YEAH!!!) but that means no more sex after this... no actual penetration, I guess...
We played two mornings ago and afterwards, I had a couple of contractions, so we both kinda freaked. This morning, after my mornign pee... we were trying to play, but D could not finish... he kept saying that he did not know what was wrong with him, but I finally asked him if he was scared and he said yes... he did not want to hurt me or the babies....so that was sweet, but both of us seem a bit frustrated.
We went out at lunch to Ulta and I really wanted some new makeup, but I felt guilty. D got me a massage gift certificate (that i have to pay for when I get the massage) and chocolate and cards.. the girls got me (and the babies) two of the cutest outfits. But all I got D was two cards... I felt bad. Then yesterday we tested at McCormick and made $90.. and he was like, we can go spend it... made me feel bad. So the stuff I wanted at Ulta, I put back.
Kinda perturbed me. Then he got a call from his dad about the basement project and we both started realizing that we are not going to be able to afford to do the basement... we are both perturbed about that...
and D is having a crappy day at work, so he is in a major funk, and when he is, I am.
Also, not to complain, but I am feeling kinda crappy lately. I feel really big, and my belly feels heavy ALREADY... and I feel like I have gained everywhere.... like I am a big blob.
Tomorrow we will have to go to Home Depot and price fixtures and stuff for the possible basement bathroom... then to Babys R Us to put things on the registry. I say this but noone has mentioned a shower and I feel funny about kinda expecting one... no friends or family close.
I feel alone in this excitement, and now I am in the money funk.... the "oh shit, how are we gonna do this?" funk.
How are we gonna pay for these babies?
First, today is 20 weeks (YEAH!!!) but that means no more sex after this... no actual penetration, I guess...
We played two mornings ago and afterwards, I had a couple of contractions, so we both kinda freaked. This morning, after my mornign pee... we were trying to play, but D could not finish... he kept saying that he did not know what was wrong with him, but I finally asked him if he was scared and he said yes... he did not want to hurt me or the babies....so that was sweet, but both of us seem a bit frustrated.
We went out at lunch to Ulta and I really wanted some new makeup, but I felt guilty. D got me a massage gift certificate (that i have to pay for when I get the massage) and chocolate and cards.. the girls got me (and the babies) two of the cutest outfits. But all I got D was two cards... I felt bad. Then yesterday we tested at McCormick and made $90.. and he was like, we can go spend it... made me feel bad. So the stuff I wanted at Ulta, I put back.
Kinda perturbed me. Then he got a call from his dad about the basement project and we both started realizing that we are not going to be able to afford to do the basement... we are both perturbed about that...
and D is having a crappy day at work, so he is in a major funk, and when he is, I am.
Also, not to complain, but I am feeling kinda crappy lately. I feel really big, and my belly feels heavy ALREADY... and I feel like I have gained everywhere.... like I am a big blob.
Tomorrow we will have to go to Home Depot and price fixtures and stuff for the possible basement bathroom... then to Babys R Us to put things on the registry. I say this but noone has mentioned a shower and I feel funny about kinda expecting one... no friends or family close.
I feel alone in this excitement, and now I am in the money funk.... the "oh shit, how are we gonna do this?" funk.
How are we gonna pay for these babies?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Big news
We had our big ultrasound on Feb 5 and now know that we will be expecting Jake and Annabelle Shepherd....
a boy and a girl! This is Annabelle, we could not get a good one of Jake.
This is me at 18 weeks....
Today is Valentine's Day and I got the good stuff... a really nice mushy card and chocolate. I also got a gift cert from Dan for an hour long prenatal massage... made the appointment for April 12. I can't wait. I should be huge by then, so that will be so relaxing!
Jake has been up in my ribs ALOT already... I cant believe how big my belly is and how high it is already.. I am going to be so big. Today I feel really big... not just fat, but pregnant BIG... everytime I look in the mirror I feel like I look like a whale.
Dan keeps telling me that I look great, but I did get a comment today about how I am showing mostly in my belly, but also in my face.. NICE!!!!
Last night was a rough one... I had what felt like reflux all night and it made me miserable. Then around 3 I had the most insane charley horse in my right calf... OMG.. it was so painful. D woke up in a stupor and rubbed it out for me.
I am still sore today from it.
The girls are doing good.. Kelsey seems to be trying to be civil to us a bit more, but is still so mean to Allison. I wish they would get along, but what can I expect... they are sisters.
I think Saturday we are gonna go to Babies R Us and put more things on the registry. We bought more winter clothes and D's dad called to talk a bit about the basement remodel this weekend. I really hope we can start working on that.
I need to pray more that God will provide daycare and money for these babies.... that is my biggest concern right now, but I know He will work it out.. I just have to believe that.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Still here
I have been absent for a few days, simply trying to stay afloat at work.
School starts this week, and we already have an assignment due next week. I need to get cracking.
I have been really frustrated with D the last few days. I am trying to blame it on hormones, but to be honest, he is in the spending money phase... he talked to me and expressed how that is the one aspect of his single life that he misses... being able to just go and spend money when he feels like it.
I dont know what that feels like, granted, I have gotten alot of new maternity clothes, but geeze... I need those!
He wanted to go and spend money so badly the other day, on nothing in particular!!! I love him with all of my heart, but wow... that is so frustrating. It makes me feel like he will resent it when our money is even tighter when the babies are born!
I also wish that we could get started on the basement... I am ready to start setting up baby stuff. D now wants to expand Kelsey's room and have the babies and Allison share the room upstairs... all well and good except with that extra bed for my mom up there, there is no room for all teh stuff...
Geeze!!!!!
Sorry, I am venting, this is my vent spot that noone knows about, so it is ok.
I cant wait to see what sex the babies are in a week!
Kelsey needs a new clarinet, badly... we will have to save the money and try to get one for her birthday...
I cant believe Allison starts middle school in August... wow.. my girls are getting big!
We went to the dentist yesterday.. I have two cavities that they can see, but I have to wait until after the babies are born to do anything, good news is they can replace my cap and insurance should cover a big portion... wow, that would make me feel so much better about myself!!
School starts this week, and we already have an assignment due next week. I need to get cracking.
I have been really frustrated with D the last few days. I am trying to blame it on hormones, but to be honest, he is in the spending money phase... he talked to me and expressed how that is the one aspect of his single life that he misses... being able to just go and spend money when he feels like it.
I dont know what that feels like, granted, I have gotten alot of new maternity clothes, but geeze... I need those!
He wanted to go and spend money so badly the other day, on nothing in particular!!! I love him with all of my heart, but wow... that is so frustrating. It makes me feel like he will resent it when our money is even tighter when the babies are born!
I also wish that we could get started on the basement... I am ready to start setting up baby stuff. D now wants to expand Kelsey's room and have the babies and Allison share the room upstairs... all well and good except with that extra bed for my mom up there, there is no room for all teh stuff...
Geeze!!!!!
Sorry, I am venting, this is my vent spot that noone knows about, so it is ok.
I cant wait to see what sex the babies are in a week!
Kelsey needs a new clarinet, badly... we will have to save the money and try to get one for her birthday...
I cant believe Allison starts middle school in August... wow.. my girls are getting big!
We went to the dentist yesterday.. I have two cavities that they can see, but I have to wait until after the babies are born to do anything, good news is they can replace my cap and insurance should cover a big portion... wow, that would make me feel so much better about myself!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
16 week visit
We had another OB appointment yesterday. We sat and waited forever, but the office was packed, as it was my drs first day back from vacation. I had an internal u/s with the "love wand" I've missed that bad boy!
Cervix looks great, then we got to see the babies, and boy have they grown... they were moving a bit and we got to see Baby A suck his/her thumb. So sweet. I cant believe how much I love these babies already. I am so ready for D to be able to feel them move!
Here are the most recent pics:
Baby A
Baby A
Friday, January 18, 2008
Peeing in the night
It has gotten to the point where I am peeing 3-4 times a night.. I scared the crap outta D this morning. He had gotten up to go pee, and I saw the light (why can I pee without a light, OH, I forgot, he has to aim). Well, I stood outside the open door (glancing in at him peeing with his eyes shut, no wonder the toilet is always dirty!). He flushed, turned and opened his eyes and jumped, he did not know I was standing there.
On another note, during my nightly, stress relieving bath last night, D thought he might have felt a faint flutter of movement. When I first lay down in the tub, my uterus of the babies are right up front, all on the left side.. after a minute or two, they fall back into the void, but it is pretty cool.
Im ready for D to be able to feel these babies.
Last weekend with my mom here, and still nothing fun going on.... we are just gonna hang out and relax, that seems to be all we are doing. I will miss my mom when she goes. I feel so tired sometimes, though. Just physically tired. I do realize that these babies are draining me, and I try to take it easy and not overdo it. My goal is to keep these babies in place and let them grow as much as possible!
Im not feeling nearly as sick, but still have the moments of hugging the toilet. I can feel the babies moving a little more, but nothing too extreme. I think I am still way too padded to feel too much.
The girls have seemed to straighten out since the drama earlier this week. They are growing up so fast. I love them and really want for them to continue to be good people!
On another note, during my nightly, stress relieving bath last night, D thought he might have felt a faint flutter of movement. When I first lay down in the tub, my uterus of the babies are right up front, all on the left side.. after a minute or two, they fall back into the void, but it is pretty cool.
Im ready for D to be able to feel these babies.
Last weekend with my mom here, and still nothing fun going on.... we are just gonna hang out and relax, that seems to be all we are doing. I will miss my mom when she goes. I feel so tired sometimes, though. Just physically tired. I do realize that these babies are draining me, and I try to take it easy and not overdo it. My goal is to keep these babies in place and let them grow as much as possible!
Im not feeling nearly as sick, but still have the moments of hugging the toilet. I can feel the babies moving a little more, but nothing too extreme. I think I am still way too padded to feel too much.
The girls have seemed to straighten out since the drama earlier this week. They are growing up so fast. I love them and really want for them to continue to be good people!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
It's official
Im fat. I have known for a while that I am a "big girl" but what I am wearing today makes it official. I look like the Goodyear blimp. As I have stated before, all of my clothes are either entirely too small or entirely too big. Today I am wearing size 18 maternity pants, and a maternity sweater that is too big. I just went into the ladies room and looked in the mirror and I look so big and round, but not cute pregnant round.
I am really struggling with my looks. I really am. I wish I felt better about myself.
I am really struggling with my looks. I really am. I wish I felt better about myself.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What a crappy day
SO today is a whiney day for me. I really have noone to whine to without sounding stupid, so I will rely on my keyboard and screen to allow me to vent. I feel so incredibly fat and ugly today. My boss (yeah, here we go again) is one of those incredibly cute, tiny pregnant people that I wanna shoot. Im so tired of hearing how cute she is. I told D my calves my getting fatter, he said they were not. Yesterday I went to put on my knee high boots, and I BARELY got them zipped. WHAT? And my co-worker just told me to remember I am growing two people, but my legs are not!
I have back boobs, nothing fits, and I feel so incredibly ugly. My face is constantly broken out and I really just wanna lay my head down and cry. I really do.
I feel like everytime D looks at me he is cringing because of my blubber... Yet I eat!!!! I am waiting now to get a piece of birthday cake for a co-worker. What the hell is wrong with me???????
I can't tell anyone how I am feeling because I get all the stupid things... you are pregnant, you look fine, yada yada.
And what the hell... my boss is thinking of naming her girl Ella. What if we have two girls? Ella is one of our names... what do I do?
I have back boobs, nothing fits, and I feel so incredibly ugly. My face is constantly broken out and I really just wanna lay my head down and cry. I really do.
I feel like everytime D looks at me he is cringing because of my blubber... Yet I eat!!!! I am waiting now to get a piece of birthday cake for a co-worker. What the hell is wrong with me???????
I can't tell anyone how I am feeling because I get all the stupid things... you are pregnant, you look fine, yada yada.
And what the hell... my boss is thinking of naming her girl Ella. What if we have two girls? Ella is one of our names... what do I do?
GRRRRR
So, I am sitting at my desk listening to my boss, who is 2 months ahead of me, and my skinny co-worker talking about her buying maternity clothes... she is saying medium maternity clothes are too big for her. ARE YOU KIDDING?
As I sit here, my skirt is really tight (a maternity skirt!) and my bra and top make me have back boobs.... she said her blacks dont match and she went into a store that only had fuddy duddy maternity clothes... whatever. I am wearing hand me down, Goodwill maternity clothes that are worn out. I get so tired of hearing everyone ohhh and ahhh over her. She came in yesterday and everyone was like "OHHH< you look so cute pregnant." Not one person has said anything nice to me.
Im really pissy now.
As I sit here, my skirt is really tight (a maternity skirt!) and my bra and top make me have back boobs.... she said her blacks dont match and she went into a store that only had fuddy duddy maternity clothes... whatever. I am wearing hand me down, Goodwill maternity clothes that are worn out. I get so tired of hearing everyone ohhh and ahhh over her. She came in yesterday and everyone was like "OHHH< you look so cute pregnant." Not one person has said anything nice to me.
Im really pissy now.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Perhaps a momentous day?
This morning was the first morning in 2 months that I have not felt sick, thrown up or dry heaved. I can not believe it. Im trying not to jinx myself, but please GOD let this be a start. The OB did tell me that I should start having more good days than bad soon. I'm just praying.
In other news, I wanted to kill D today. He decided that he does not want to know what sex the babies are. This after the big Redskins agreement (he said he woudl find out if he had exclusive rights to Redskins paraphenelia the first year. He really does not want to know, but says it is fine if I find out. How can I find out and keep that a secret? How will we register together? How will we have a shower? I just dont understand but I want to be supportive because these will be his first and probably last.
GRRRRRRRRR
In other news, I wanted to kill D today. He decided that he does not want to know what sex the babies are. This after the big Redskins agreement (he said he woudl find out if he had exclusive rights to Redskins paraphenelia the first year. He really does not want to know, but says it is fine if I find out. How can I find out and keep that a secret? How will we register together? How will we have a shower? I just dont understand but I want to be supportive because these will be his first and probably last.
GRRRRRRRRR
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Sticker shock
We had another OB appointment yesterday. D tried to record the babies' heartbeats, but his phone kept messing up the machine, so we had to stop trying. I really wanted the girls and my mom to hear them!
The dr said everything looks good. I have gained another 6 lbs and I was sooo scared that she was gonna lecture me. She said that was ok for twins now. No lecture necessary. She really cracks me up, she is a good doctor. Turns out she has delivered the past two MD state governor's babies. How bout them apples? We briefly discussed my headaches and consistent nausea. ( I did not throw up this morning!). I am still very queasy most mornings and threw up after dinner last night. I can not believe how sick I have been during this pregnancy.
I am almost looking pregnant now, but most of the time still just look fat. I am still in the in-between phases, most of my things are way too small, and most maternity clothes are way too big! So I look dumpy! But I know that before long, I will explode into my clothes. I am still worried about the fact that I continue to eat badly, but then try to stay on track occasionally. Does not make sense.
Speaking of eating badly, we are taking my mom out to Denny's tonight (it's kids eat free night!) We are so cheap! But it will be a nice break from cooking at home.
So, the babies are growing and the girls are still arguing. I wish I could make Kelsey be nicer to her sister and us. I just dont know what to do with her sometimes. I know this is normal for teenage girls, but it is hard. I do love those girls though.
And my DH... he always puts up with so much. I love him so much!
Oh, the best part, and hence the title... I called a daycare today (Celebree). The twins would be $260 each. OUCH. That is more 2 K a month. There is no way we can do that. I briefly went into panic mode, called D and he kinda did, too. He could not understand why infants are more expensive than toddlers. DUH! He told me not to freak out yet. Maybe one of our parents will move closer to help us.
God, I hope so, otherwise, how will we do this?
The dr said everything looks good. I have gained another 6 lbs and I was sooo scared that she was gonna lecture me. She said that was ok for twins now. No lecture necessary. She really cracks me up, she is a good doctor. Turns out she has delivered the past two MD state governor's babies. How bout them apples? We briefly discussed my headaches and consistent nausea. ( I did not throw up this morning!). I am still very queasy most mornings and threw up after dinner last night. I can not believe how sick I have been during this pregnancy.
I am almost looking pregnant now, but most of the time still just look fat. I am still in the in-between phases, most of my things are way too small, and most maternity clothes are way too big! So I look dumpy! But I know that before long, I will explode into my clothes. I am still worried about the fact that I continue to eat badly, but then try to stay on track occasionally. Does not make sense.
Speaking of eating badly, we are taking my mom out to Denny's tonight (it's kids eat free night!) We are so cheap! But it will be a nice break from cooking at home.
So, the babies are growing and the girls are still arguing. I wish I could make Kelsey be nicer to her sister and us. I just dont know what to do with her sometimes. I know this is normal for teenage girls, but it is hard. I do love those girls though.
And my DH... he always puts up with so much. I love him so much!
Oh, the best part, and hence the title... I called a daycare today (Celebree). The twins would be $260 each. OUCH. That is more 2 K a month. There is no way we can do that. I briefly went into panic mode, called D and he kinda did, too. He could not understand why infants are more expensive than toddlers. DUH! He told me not to freak out yet. Maybe one of our parents will move closer to help us.
God, I hope so, otherwise, how will we do this?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Teenagers!!!!
It's been a rough few days with the girls getting ready and heading back to school. There have been lots of disagreements and arguments. Allison did not want the baked chicken that my mom had made last night after church. So she proceeded to throw a fit and tell us we did not care because she was hungry. When has that child not liked baked chicken? And fighting with Kelsey lately has gotten out of hand. She gets into these funks and just freaks out. I think my mom is ready to go home, I think they are driving her crazy. Throw the girls not really helping with Rocky in and it has been a stressful few days.
Rocky is doing well, we moved his crate up to our room, he sleeps much better now. Today is a test, since Allison went to school and D is not working from home, Rocky is in the crate until my mom can let him out aroudn 12 or so. Let's see how he does.
Oh, I posted a 13 week belly shot. I simply can't believe that I did that. I still look very fat, instead of pregnant. Everything I have is too small or swallows me. I am feeling really badly about myself. My skin is a mess, zits everywhere, and my back now has boobs again. I just look at myself and think I look so ugly! I know D loves me, but sometimes I freak that he looks at me in digust. I wish I felt better about myself.
Here is 13 weeks.
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