I have been absent for a few days, simply trying to stay afloat at work.
School starts this week, and we already have an assignment due next week. I need to get cracking.
I have been really frustrated with D the last few days. I am trying to blame it on hormones, but to be honest, he is in the spending money phase... he talked to me and expressed how that is the one aspect of his single life that he misses... being able to just go and spend money when he feels like it.
I dont know what that feels like, granted, I have gotten alot of new maternity clothes, but geeze... I need those!
He wanted to go and spend money so badly the other day, on nothing in particular!!! I love him with all of my heart, but wow... that is so frustrating. It makes me feel like he will resent it when our money is even tighter when the babies are born!
I also wish that we could get started on the basement... I am ready to start setting up baby stuff. D now wants to expand Kelsey's room and have the babies and Allison share the room upstairs... all well and good except with that extra bed for my mom up there, there is no room for all teh stuff...
Geeze!!!!!
Sorry, I am venting, this is my vent spot that noone knows about, so it is ok.
I cant wait to see what sex the babies are in a week!
Kelsey needs a new clarinet, badly... we will have to save the money and try to get one for her birthday...
I cant believe Allison starts middle school in August... wow.. my girls are getting big!
We went to the dentist yesterday.. I have two cavities that they can see, but I have to wait until after the babies are born to do anything, good news is they can replace my cap and insurance should cover a big portion... wow, that would make me feel so much better about myself!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
16 week visit
We had another OB appointment yesterday. We sat and waited forever, but the office was packed, as it was my drs first day back from vacation. I had an internal u/s with the "love wand" I've missed that bad boy!
Cervix looks great, then we got to see the babies, and boy have they grown... they were moving a bit and we got to see Baby A suck his/her thumb. So sweet. I cant believe how much I love these babies already. I am so ready for D to be able to feel them move!
Here are the most recent pics:
Baby A
Baby A
Friday, January 18, 2008
Peeing in the night
It has gotten to the point where I am peeing 3-4 times a night.. I scared the crap outta D this morning. He had gotten up to go pee, and I saw the light (why can I pee without a light, OH, I forgot, he has to aim). Well, I stood outside the open door (glancing in at him peeing with his eyes shut, no wonder the toilet is always dirty!). He flushed, turned and opened his eyes and jumped, he did not know I was standing there.
On another note, during my nightly, stress relieving bath last night, D thought he might have felt a faint flutter of movement. When I first lay down in the tub, my uterus of the babies are right up front, all on the left side.. after a minute or two, they fall back into the void, but it is pretty cool.
Im ready for D to be able to feel these babies.
Last weekend with my mom here, and still nothing fun going on.... we are just gonna hang out and relax, that seems to be all we are doing. I will miss my mom when she goes. I feel so tired sometimes, though. Just physically tired. I do realize that these babies are draining me, and I try to take it easy and not overdo it. My goal is to keep these babies in place and let them grow as much as possible!
Im not feeling nearly as sick, but still have the moments of hugging the toilet. I can feel the babies moving a little more, but nothing too extreme. I think I am still way too padded to feel too much.
The girls have seemed to straighten out since the drama earlier this week. They are growing up so fast. I love them and really want for them to continue to be good people!
On another note, during my nightly, stress relieving bath last night, D thought he might have felt a faint flutter of movement. When I first lay down in the tub, my uterus of the babies are right up front, all on the left side.. after a minute or two, they fall back into the void, but it is pretty cool.
Im ready for D to be able to feel these babies.
Last weekend with my mom here, and still nothing fun going on.... we are just gonna hang out and relax, that seems to be all we are doing. I will miss my mom when she goes. I feel so tired sometimes, though. Just physically tired. I do realize that these babies are draining me, and I try to take it easy and not overdo it. My goal is to keep these babies in place and let them grow as much as possible!
Im not feeling nearly as sick, but still have the moments of hugging the toilet. I can feel the babies moving a little more, but nothing too extreme. I think I am still way too padded to feel too much.
The girls have seemed to straighten out since the drama earlier this week. They are growing up so fast. I love them and really want for them to continue to be good people!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
It's official
Im fat. I have known for a while that I am a "big girl" but what I am wearing today makes it official. I look like the Goodyear blimp. As I have stated before, all of my clothes are either entirely too small or entirely too big. Today I am wearing size 18 maternity pants, and a maternity sweater that is too big. I just went into the ladies room and looked in the mirror and I look so big and round, but not cute pregnant round.
I am really struggling with my looks. I really am. I wish I felt better about myself.
I am really struggling with my looks. I really am. I wish I felt better about myself.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What a crappy day
SO today is a whiney day for me. I really have noone to whine to without sounding stupid, so I will rely on my keyboard and screen to allow me to vent. I feel so incredibly fat and ugly today. My boss (yeah, here we go again) is one of those incredibly cute, tiny pregnant people that I wanna shoot. Im so tired of hearing how cute she is. I told D my calves my getting fatter, he said they were not. Yesterday I went to put on my knee high boots, and I BARELY got them zipped. WHAT? And my co-worker just told me to remember I am growing two people, but my legs are not!
I have back boobs, nothing fits, and I feel so incredibly ugly. My face is constantly broken out and I really just wanna lay my head down and cry. I really do.
I feel like everytime D looks at me he is cringing because of my blubber... Yet I eat!!!! I am waiting now to get a piece of birthday cake for a co-worker. What the hell is wrong with me???????
I can't tell anyone how I am feeling because I get all the stupid things... you are pregnant, you look fine, yada yada.
And what the hell... my boss is thinking of naming her girl Ella. What if we have two girls? Ella is one of our names... what do I do?
I have back boobs, nothing fits, and I feel so incredibly ugly. My face is constantly broken out and I really just wanna lay my head down and cry. I really do.
I feel like everytime D looks at me he is cringing because of my blubber... Yet I eat!!!! I am waiting now to get a piece of birthday cake for a co-worker. What the hell is wrong with me???????
I can't tell anyone how I am feeling because I get all the stupid things... you are pregnant, you look fine, yada yada.
And what the hell... my boss is thinking of naming her girl Ella. What if we have two girls? Ella is one of our names... what do I do?
GRRRRR
So, I am sitting at my desk listening to my boss, who is 2 months ahead of me, and my skinny co-worker talking about her buying maternity clothes... she is saying medium maternity clothes are too big for her. ARE YOU KIDDING?
As I sit here, my skirt is really tight (a maternity skirt!) and my bra and top make me have back boobs.... she said her blacks dont match and she went into a store that only had fuddy duddy maternity clothes... whatever. I am wearing hand me down, Goodwill maternity clothes that are worn out. I get so tired of hearing everyone ohhh and ahhh over her. She came in yesterday and everyone was like "OHHH< you look so cute pregnant." Not one person has said anything nice to me.
Im really pissy now.
As I sit here, my skirt is really tight (a maternity skirt!) and my bra and top make me have back boobs.... she said her blacks dont match and she went into a store that only had fuddy duddy maternity clothes... whatever. I am wearing hand me down, Goodwill maternity clothes that are worn out. I get so tired of hearing everyone ohhh and ahhh over her. She came in yesterday and everyone was like "OHHH< you look so cute pregnant." Not one person has said anything nice to me.
Im really pissy now.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Perhaps a momentous day?
This morning was the first morning in 2 months that I have not felt sick, thrown up or dry heaved. I can not believe it. Im trying not to jinx myself, but please GOD let this be a start. The OB did tell me that I should start having more good days than bad soon. I'm just praying.
In other news, I wanted to kill D today. He decided that he does not want to know what sex the babies are. This after the big Redskins agreement (he said he woudl find out if he had exclusive rights to Redskins paraphenelia the first year. He really does not want to know, but says it is fine if I find out. How can I find out and keep that a secret? How will we register together? How will we have a shower? I just dont understand but I want to be supportive because these will be his first and probably last.
GRRRRRRRRR
In other news, I wanted to kill D today. He decided that he does not want to know what sex the babies are. This after the big Redskins agreement (he said he woudl find out if he had exclusive rights to Redskins paraphenelia the first year. He really does not want to know, but says it is fine if I find out. How can I find out and keep that a secret? How will we register together? How will we have a shower? I just dont understand but I want to be supportive because these will be his first and probably last.
GRRRRRRRRR
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Sticker shock
We had another OB appointment yesterday. D tried to record the babies' heartbeats, but his phone kept messing up the machine, so we had to stop trying. I really wanted the girls and my mom to hear them!
The dr said everything looks good. I have gained another 6 lbs and I was sooo scared that she was gonna lecture me. She said that was ok for twins now. No lecture necessary. She really cracks me up, she is a good doctor. Turns out she has delivered the past two MD state governor's babies. How bout them apples? We briefly discussed my headaches and consistent nausea. ( I did not throw up this morning!). I am still very queasy most mornings and threw up after dinner last night. I can not believe how sick I have been during this pregnancy.
I am almost looking pregnant now, but most of the time still just look fat. I am still in the in-between phases, most of my things are way too small, and most maternity clothes are way too big! So I look dumpy! But I know that before long, I will explode into my clothes. I am still worried about the fact that I continue to eat badly, but then try to stay on track occasionally. Does not make sense.
Speaking of eating badly, we are taking my mom out to Denny's tonight (it's kids eat free night!) We are so cheap! But it will be a nice break from cooking at home.
So, the babies are growing and the girls are still arguing. I wish I could make Kelsey be nicer to her sister and us. I just dont know what to do with her sometimes. I know this is normal for teenage girls, but it is hard. I do love those girls though.
And my DH... he always puts up with so much. I love him so much!
Oh, the best part, and hence the title... I called a daycare today (Celebree). The twins would be $260 each. OUCH. That is more 2 K a month. There is no way we can do that. I briefly went into panic mode, called D and he kinda did, too. He could not understand why infants are more expensive than toddlers. DUH! He told me not to freak out yet. Maybe one of our parents will move closer to help us.
God, I hope so, otherwise, how will we do this?
The dr said everything looks good. I have gained another 6 lbs and I was sooo scared that she was gonna lecture me. She said that was ok for twins now. No lecture necessary. She really cracks me up, she is a good doctor. Turns out she has delivered the past two MD state governor's babies. How bout them apples? We briefly discussed my headaches and consistent nausea. ( I did not throw up this morning!). I am still very queasy most mornings and threw up after dinner last night. I can not believe how sick I have been during this pregnancy.
I am almost looking pregnant now, but most of the time still just look fat. I am still in the in-between phases, most of my things are way too small, and most maternity clothes are way too big! So I look dumpy! But I know that before long, I will explode into my clothes. I am still worried about the fact that I continue to eat badly, but then try to stay on track occasionally. Does not make sense.
Speaking of eating badly, we are taking my mom out to Denny's tonight (it's kids eat free night!) We are so cheap! But it will be a nice break from cooking at home.
So, the babies are growing and the girls are still arguing. I wish I could make Kelsey be nicer to her sister and us. I just dont know what to do with her sometimes. I know this is normal for teenage girls, but it is hard. I do love those girls though.
And my DH... he always puts up with so much. I love him so much!
Oh, the best part, and hence the title... I called a daycare today (Celebree). The twins would be $260 each. OUCH. That is more 2 K a month. There is no way we can do that. I briefly went into panic mode, called D and he kinda did, too. He could not understand why infants are more expensive than toddlers. DUH! He told me not to freak out yet. Maybe one of our parents will move closer to help us.
God, I hope so, otherwise, how will we do this?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Teenagers!!!!
It's been a rough few days with the girls getting ready and heading back to school. There have been lots of disagreements and arguments. Allison did not want the baked chicken that my mom had made last night after church. So she proceeded to throw a fit and tell us we did not care because she was hungry. When has that child not liked baked chicken? And fighting with Kelsey lately has gotten out of hand. She gets into these funks and just freaks out. I think my mom is ready to go home, I think they are driving her crazy. Throw the girls not really helping with Rocky in and it has been a stressful few days.
Rocky is doing well, we moved his crate up to our room, he sleeps much better now. Today is a test, since Allison went to school and D is not working from home, Rocky is in the crate until my mom can let him out aroudn 12 or so. Let's see how he does.
Oh, I posted a 13 week belly shot. I simply can't believe that I did that. I still look very fat, instead of pregnant. Everything I have is too small or swallows me. I am feeling really badly about myself. My skin is a mess, zits everywhere, and my back now has boobs again. I just look at myself and think I look so ugly! I know D loves me, but sometimes I freak that he looks at me in digust. I wish I felt better about myself.
Here is 13 weeks.
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