Flowers from Mom

I was surprised withthe most beautiful flowers from my Mother-in-law, heretofore known as MOM, Monday at work to celebrate the big news of being pregnant.

The sad part is that I have had to tell white lies to all of my co-workers who don't yet know that we are pregnant (All of D's co-workers know, but only a few of mine know). Everytime someone passes they rave over the flowers and ask how the flowers are from, I have to lie and tell them they are from D. Then, of course, they ask, "why did he send them, a special occasion?" To which I reply, "no, he just sent them because".

I can't exactly tell everyone that I'm not quite 6 weeks pregnant, because noone would understand why I knew 13 days post egg retrieval that I was pregnant, and noone can understand how fanatic I am about this baby (or babies) already. Not unless they have been there, and I only know a few that have been there.

So for now, I will continue to fib about the gorgeous flowers.

Oh, I found out that someone who used to be my best friend, and most know who I am talking about, was back at work Monday after having a baby boy in August. I am trying desperately to be strong and not email her and open myself up to more abuse. I feel as though I want to see how things are going with her, and forgive her for all the hateful and deceitful things she did. The worst part is that she has her side of the story and thinks I am hateful. I have tried multiple times to be a good friend, from birthday cards for her and her children, to a welcome baby card even while miscarrying to random emails. All without a response.

There is a part of me that wants to tell her congratulations, but the biggest part of me does not want to set myself up again. D would strangle me if I did that. So for now, although I want to be a good person and say hello, I will restrain.

I do miss the friendship we had before the wedding dramas, but know that it will never be the same.